“I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” - ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭31‬:‭3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Most of my time on the World Race and even most of my life, I have struggled with feeling wanted in relationships. Because of this, I often times felt like I had to prove myself worthy for relationships, whether that be through my giftings and/or service to others. I had to in a sense, earn my seat at the table and work to keep it.

However, while sitting on the bedroom floor in our loft in Tbilisi, Georgia; I felt the Holy Spirit challenge me to surrender a relationship up to God. This relationship was a fairly new one (with someone outside of our squad) and one that I had just started building. In hearing this challenge, I was forced to confront the fear that I had about surrendering this relationship.

So there am I, sitting on the floor, tearing up and being hesitant towards surrendering this relationship to God. Here I am telling God, “but it’s a good thing”, while also knowing that if God is calling me to surrender something, it’s for my benefit. And it’s in that, He revealed to me why I was so fearful of releasing this relationship to Him: “There are certain people that I often times feel value and notice my giftings and personality more than others and desire/want me.” They don’t simply put up with me or just be around me because they have to, but rather because they want to. And honestly, that’s something I’ve always wanted… to be wanted.

Through this, God revealed to me how I’ve still strived, even with my own team, to prove myself as something essential on the team/squad. It was there, I was reminded of the words of my Squad Leader: “It is better to be wanted than to be needed.” You see, as the Holy Spirit revealed to me, “Being needed is built off the basis of expendability (I can be replaced if I’m not useful enough). But being wanted is built off of the basis of intentional choice.”

And here God revealed to me that I’ve also carried this into my relationship with Him. It’s the reason I’ve struggled with fully grasping sonship. Because I’ve felt like I’ve had to earn my place at the table, whereas God says, “You don’t need to earn anything, just come as you are. I want you.” Do you get that? GOD WANTS US! He doesn’t need us. He doesn’t need our abilities or talents or giftings (He created them), but rather, He just wants us. Plain and simple, case in point. GOD WANTS US.

My Prayer is this: Lord, for those reading this, may they come to see how much You desire them. Not for what they can produce. Not for how well they can behave. Not for how many people they can bring to Christ. But simply… they are wanted by You, for who they are, just as they are. Amen!