In some way, shape or form, we all desire to be loved. We desire to be loved unconditionally, accepted as we are, regardless of our quirks or flaws. We desire to be loved without strings attached, without the need to perform out of perfection, but out of a genuine compassion that resides in others. We desire to be loved without stipulations, in which we must fulfill a certain requirement for love to be reciprocated. It’s in that unconditional love that we experience what love really is. But where conditions apply, fear resides.
I have always wanted to be fully known. I have always wanted to be fully loved. And yet, I placed a condition upon that. In order for me to love you unconditionally, you must love me unconditionally. And if you don’t love me in the way that aligns with my expectations, well then, I won’t love you in accordance with your expectations. But guess what? THAT’S NOT LOVE.
Che Ahn puts it in their book Spirit-Led Evangelism, “… love is a conscious choice of your will. Love is unselfish and works for the greater good of others… Love has pure motives and is unconditional in its nature. If you treat me badly, I will not withdraw my love… That is commitment. There are no strings attached. It is not, ‘I love you because you love me’ or ‘I’ll give to you because you gave to me.’ It’s a commitment, regardless” (Ahn, 70).
It was this excerpt along with some additional points, that I realized I have not been living according to that kind of unconditional love. I loved others, because they loved me the way that I wanted. Because they treated me how I thought I should be treated, I loved them. But if people failed to “love” up to my expectations, then I failed to love them. And I discovered something in this, I am personally afraid of being loved conditionally. And so, as a self-preservation, I have sought to people please in order that they may love me the way I think they should. But in this, I’ve lost sight of the true definition of love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (ESV) puts it like this: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
In this, I want to apologize to both my teammates as well as anyone else that I may have loved conditionally. When I loved with a condition, I was not loving as Jesus did, but rather, out of my own flesh which seeks to satisfy and preserve oneself. And because of this, I want to say I’m sorry. I pray and ask for your forgiveness.
With no strings attached, no stipulations, just unconditional love,
Hunter Land
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